Little Gems
Growth and healing rarely occur in one grand transformation. Change happens bit by bit. In therapy, each insight and emotional shift move us along the path toward greater freedom.
While a blog is not therapy, here I offer little gems of practical information and hard-won wisdom that I hope might spark something for you — an insight or emotional shift to help you along your own path.
When Overconsuming the News Leads to Feeling Consumed by It
The news may be bad out there, but you don’t have to contribute to your own suffering by bingeing on it.
Managing Your ADHD the 3-S Way: Part 3 — Resuming Beats Spiraling
Managing your ADHD requires a sustainable approach, because all the systems and self-compassion in the world can’t help if you abandon them when life intervenes. If we plan for imperfection, we can be ready with our recovery tools.
Managing Your ADHD the 3-S Way: Part 2 — Self-Compassion Beats Shame
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence, passivity, or excuse-making. Rather, it is a kind and understanding stance toward ourselves and our mistakes, which is entirely compatible with high goals, high expectations, and self-accountability.
Managing Your ADHD the 3-S Way: Part 1 — Systems Beat Willpower
Systems release the brain’s responsibility for holding everything and externalize the brain’s functioning. The efficacy lies in how the system prompts you to act, instead of relying on your brain to do all the activating.
Managing Your ADHD the 3-S Way: The Fundamentals
Managing ADHD is a lifelong journey, and doing it well is more than just mastering all the tips and tricks you might see on social media.
The Benefits of Self-Compassion
And why shaming ourselves cannot lead to learning, change, or growth; only self-compassion can do that.
The Emotions Series: Gratitude
Perhaps uniquely among all other emotions, we can set out to experience gratitude on purpose, which is not only a pleasant sensation but has also been shown to accrue meaningful benefits to physical health, longevity, and mental health.
Thoughts on Wellness and Wellbeing
What I am currently struck by — from my position as both an observer and a participant here in late-stage capitalism — is the contrast between wellness as an ideal and an industry, and wellbeing as a felt experience and a way of living.
Mindfulness and ADHD
At first glance, practicing mindfulness may seem completely incompatible with a diagnosis of ADHD: the practice of paying attention vs. the struggle to pay attention. But this is exactly why it can help: ADHD is a disorder of attention and self-regulation, and mindfulness is training for attention and self-regulation.
The Emotions Series: Shame Is a Matter of Life and Death
By living and working together in a group, our primate and early hominid ancestors were each better protected and enjoyed a greater chance of survival. Alternatively, an individual on their own was doomed. If losing connection to the group means death, then we must be vigilant about safeguarding our belonging. Shame warns us when a threat to our belonging may be near.
The Dual Process Model of Grief: Permission to Zone Out Sometimes
Instead of moving through grief in sequential stages and focusing on our difficult feelings at full force, many of us may feel that we are constantly zigzagging between focusing on our loss, building a new life post-loss, and dealing with regular, day-to-day demands. This is the dual process model of grief.
Finding Freedom from Our Phones, Part 2
Why we stay stuck in our current patterns, and practical suggestions to interrupt them. Reset your relationship with your phone to one that better serves you.
Finding Freedom from Our Phones, Part 1
Much of the time we end up spending on our phones feels unconscious, uncontrolled, even involuntary.
The Emotions Series: Your Anger Loves You
From childhood, we’re taught that our anger is not welcome, But rather than fear anger as a way of losing our connection to others, let’s honor it as a way to reconnect with ourselves.
When Your Kind of Grief Doesn’t Come with a Sympathy Card
In the midst of wrenching loss, many of us get the message from our culture or from those around us that we’re doing it wrong. Ambiguous loss and disenfranchised grief are both ways that social and cultural expectations add complexity to our grief experiences.
Better Sleep for Better Mental Health
Sleep is indisputably a cornerstone of good mental health. If you have the core aspects of sleep hygiene all dialed in and you’re still struggling to fall asleep, there are a few more things you can try.
Estrogen and ADHD
As estrogen levels (and therefore dopamine levels) fluctuate throughout a woman’s life, the symptoms and severity of her ADHD may change as well. Instead of a “set it and forget it” approach to their ADHD, women may need more awareness of what’s going on in their bodies, more tools, and more proactive ADHD management.
The Emotions Series: The Feelings Wheel
The feelings wheel can help guide us from our general feeling down into the specific experience we are having. And knowing what’s really going on inside can help us see what we might need in that moment.
Practicing Self-Compassion with ADHD
Things will go wrong; outcomes won’t match intentions. In the face of the many challenges ADHD presents, self-compassion is essential.
How to Love Someone Well When They’re Grieving
Let’s not let uncertainty or self-consciousness stop us from showing up for the people we love or care about.